my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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