I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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