just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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