Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
