The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was born a porn star she said
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
