Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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