I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
