i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
