I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am available for nakedness
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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