I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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