ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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