i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
