i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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