you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
