you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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