I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
