Got a toothbrush?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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