he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
