you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
