im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
