ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
