Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
