Welp...herpes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
