i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
