When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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