you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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