It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
