All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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