I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
