Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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