the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
