I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
