So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
