I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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