Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.

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(703): View more from Virginia

apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

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(214): View more from Texas

No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.

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(561): View more from Florida

Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night

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(219): View more from Indiana

No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

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(647): View more from Ontario

I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life

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