Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
