I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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