Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
