it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
