i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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