you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
