that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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