turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
