I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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