is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
