I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
