I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We just shotgunned beers for America
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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