i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
