It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
