Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
